i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
