My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
