Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
