His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
