the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
