My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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