He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
