A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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