who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
