hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
