I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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