Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
