It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
