I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
