Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
