You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
