Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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