Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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