we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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