I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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