Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
