This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
