I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
