I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
