I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
