i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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