Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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