did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
