The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
