Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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