after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
