You really coming over, don't trick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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