i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
