I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
