pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
