I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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