Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
