from now on my penis is your penis
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
