Your face is a jimmy john
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm both gender and math confused
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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