So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
