He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
