I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
