she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
