I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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