we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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