he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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