You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
