This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
