so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
