This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
