Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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