tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
