I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
