I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck appropriateness.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
whose parrot is this?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
